i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
