she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
