i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
