i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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