I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
