Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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