Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
