But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
