you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Boobs are out for the taking
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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