I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
