Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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