Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
