After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
