thus making me awesome and them whores
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
