Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
