I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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