when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
