That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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