If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
