I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
