I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
