That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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