I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
