"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
