I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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