i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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