So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
