I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
