but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
