just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
