wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
