I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just had sex on a roof
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
