I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
