he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
