it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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