She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
