you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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