this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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