Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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