There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
