you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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