Yo dont text me then not text me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i believe in u and ur pee
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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