Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
