i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
