i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
