dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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