So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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