She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
