The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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