And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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