Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
