Your tits are I can't wait for
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
